Verizon poetry written by a disgruntled customer.

I previously wrote that Verizon has a whole lot of fine print in their contracts. Ultimately, however, they present a good option for Caribbean cruises and other short term travel abroad.  In April of this year, I switched from Verizon to AT&T because I was tired of dealing with Verizon customer service for routine problems. I also wanted to try a GSM carries. AT&T offered some real advantages, notably the ability to use almost any phone in the world. Ultimately, however, I switched back because the Verizon network is so much better in the Petroplex. However, the switch has inspired the following bit of Verizon poetry. It was written in various stages as I tried to get my new lines of service working:

Verizon, how do I hate thee?
Let me count the ways.
All I want is working service.
All I get are nays.

I’ve talked for several hours.
Via Twitter, text, and phone.
You promise that you’re helping.
Yet I am all alone.

I’ve talked to seven reps now.
Or is it maybe eight?
I’ve still no mobile hotspot.
And all I do is wait.

The longer that I’m waiting
The more poetry I’ll write.
I’ve nothing else to do while waiting.
While your phone tree I must fight.

Verizon Poetry Round 2, when things still weren’t working

Now they want more money
Because the phone they sent is broke
They’re making this my problem
Their service is a joke

They say to wait two weeks now
For a replacement phone
After I pay them more
They should just throw me a bone

The network is amazing
But I do not care
If the phones can’t get to working
I’ll set fire to my hair.

Verizon Poetry Round 3, written after I trekked to a Verizon Store for help

Well, hello Verizon.
Here I’m waiting in your store
I’m sure your about to tell me
It’ll be just a minute more.

The lady on the phone
Said this would be real quick.
I’m afraid, however, waiting
‘Twas another Verizon trick.

Verizon Poetry Round 4, when the people in the store called tech support

They gave me a new phone now.
Turns out that it’s broke too.
They can’t diagnose the problem.
And now I’m feeling blue.

It’s always a bad weekend
When you spend it fixing phones.
For all the sins against me,
Verizon must atone.

So what happened?

We ordered 4 new lines of service on Thanksgiving Day. The following Monday, the units showed up. The following Wednesday, we eventually wrestled the home phone unit into submission. By Sunday, I was writing Verizon poetry. One line couldn’t video call another, although we got that fixed. Eventually. The fourth line, however, still has no mobile hotspot service. OF COURSE we went through all of the standard troubleshooting protocols. Several times, as Verizon reinvented the wheel each time. They are working on it, they say, 12 days after the initial order. Ugh.

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